Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
