it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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