Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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