and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dating After Heartbreak
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.