Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.

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  (540): Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work. http://tfl.nu/ghtv
  Replies (11) Good night (1083) Bad night (4057)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.

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  (309): so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday. http://tfl.nu/j6eg
  Replies (8) Good night (5418) Bad night (856)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.

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  (603): I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part. http://tfl.nu/7yrx
  Replies (8) Good night (5215) Bad night (1125)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  It'll be just me and my penis against the world.

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  (314): It'll be just me and my penis against the world. http://tfl.nu/ph7y
  Replies (18) Good night (3593) Bad night (943)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.

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  (484): whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks. http://tfl.nu/9g8j
  Replies (7) Good night (2878) Bad night (599)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often

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  (301): Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often http://tfl.nu/2a6o
  Replies (8) Good night (1770) Bad night (576)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk

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  (203): Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk http://tfl.nu/skkt
  Replies (16) Good night (722) Bad night (1404)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes

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  (303): trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes http://tfl.nu/w6ny
  Replies (2) Good night (746) Bad night (444)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...

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  (301): I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened... http://tfl.nu/z902
  Replies (6) Good night (746) Bad night (385)
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  (213): View more from California

  you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say

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  (213): you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say http://tfl.nu/62ic
  Replies (2) Good night (1103) Bad night (469)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours

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  (508): Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours http://tfl.nu/2ezn
  Replies (6) Good night (1123) Bad night (352)
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  (408): View more from California

  its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat

  (1-408): View more from California

  your picture is with misty too!!

  (408): View more from California

  I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE

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  (408): its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat (1-408): your picture is with misty too!! (408): I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE http://tfl.nu/688p
  Replies (1) Good night (751) Bad night (306)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  It's a short, short story.

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  (601): I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex. (1-601): It's a short, short story. http://tfl.nu/1rzv
  Replies (1) Good night (330) Bad night (727)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.

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  (469): I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins. http://tfl.nu/edtw
  Replies (1) Good night (708) Bad night (483)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that

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  (713): You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that http://tfl.nu/hi6n
  Replies (6) Good night (413) Bad night (828)

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