So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ketchup is God's man juice
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS