There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting