Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?

  (914): View more from New York

  11

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  (561): on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left? (914): 11 http://tfl.nu/ned2
  Replies (9) Good night (662) Bad night (2337)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.

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  (850): Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now. (1-850): Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel. http://tfl.nu/j1ot
  Replies (80) Good night (4059) Bad night (693)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him

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  (203): apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him http://tfl.nu/3qi4
  Replies (9) Good night (997) Bad night (3817)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this

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  (778): She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this http://tfl.nu/vwo0
  Replies (5) Good night (1076) Bad night (2078)
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  (909): View more from California

  and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....

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  (909): and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests".... http://tfl.nu/4e7u
  Replies (7) Good night (3546) Bad night (799)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?

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  (520): Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago? http://tfl.nu/8k0d
  Replies (8) Good night (1007) Bad night (482)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.

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  (610): How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you. http://tfl.nu/fpwy
  Replies (8) Good night (2406) Bad night (640)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?

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  (708): Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life? http://tfl.nu/qn7b
  Replies (9) Good night (968) Bad night (613)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar

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  (917): There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar http://tfl.nu/udin
  Replies (8) Good night (1351) Bad night (542)
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  (+32): View more from Belgium

  You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...

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  (+32): You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep... http://tfl.nu/47cg
  Replies (2) Good night (990) Bad night (302)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?

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  (509): In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married? http://tfl.nu/eg0w
  Replies (6) Good night (580) Bad night (623)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.

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  (425): There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above. http://tfl.nu/ffte
  Replies (2) Good night (880) Bad night (221)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka

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  (515): Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka http://tfl.nu/yw8u
  Replies (1) Good night (523) Bad night (204)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere

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  (302): well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere http://tfl.nu/jlyo
  Replies (0) Good night (453) Bad night (220)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.

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  (705): Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast. http://tfl.nu/az13
  Replies (5) Good night (704) Bad night (147)

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