why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.