I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night