Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

wrigley field is MILF paradise

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(404): View more from Georgia

In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.

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(703): View more from Virginia

So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.

(1-703): View more from Virginia

You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(250): View more from British Columbia

I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.

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(519): View more from Ontario

You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'

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