What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
