Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
