is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
