I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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