I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
