I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
