Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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