He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
