hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
