he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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