Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
