I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
