There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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