There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
