She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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