We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
