I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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