Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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