be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
me + whiskey = a bad person
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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