it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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