I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
