K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
