i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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