I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
try to milk me bitch
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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