I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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