Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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