The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was like eating out sand paper
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
