I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
