Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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