oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
