The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
