i love accidental penises.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
