Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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