ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
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Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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