I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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