Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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