He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
