oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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