after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
