I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
