I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
