2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
