dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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