you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
