I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
