im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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