You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
