So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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