he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Couch. On fire.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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