Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She swung at the pinata with crutches
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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