Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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