you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
