guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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