It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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