Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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