people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
