you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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