let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
