yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
