she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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