sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
