i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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