I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
