yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
