id be glad to
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
