the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
