Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
