Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
