The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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