I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
