Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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