he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
