I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
