Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So apparently I’m into choking now
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
