Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
