well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
porn star boner night. come get it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
