Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
