bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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